It's Not About You (and That's a Good Thing)

The surprising secret to winning over any audience—students, parents, or staff

When I first became a principal, it felt like I was on a speaking tour without the entourage, fans, or music. One day I was addressing students at an assembly, the next I was making the case for funding at a PTA event. I took pride in being prepared. My talking points were always neat and organised. I knew exactly what I wanted to say and I said it clearly.

But over time, I realised that being prepared wasn't the same as being effective.

The turning point came when a colleague, Scott, who coached executives on communication, shared a simple strategy that forever changed how I prepare for public speaking. He said, "Stop starting with your agenda. Start with the audience's agenda." That single idea changed everything.

Up to that point, I had always begun by asking, "What do I need to say?" I'd list my main messages, add supporting details, and make sure I didn't forget anything important. Scott encouraged me to flip that completely and start with the audience.

Who is in the audience? What are they thinking? What are the most sceptical members wondering? What do they already know about the topic? What are their concerns? Why should they care?

When you shift from your agenda, to planning for your audience's agenda your message starts to connect in a whole new way.

The Power of the Audience Agenda

As principals, we speak constantly. We brief, motivate, and persuade every single day. But too often, our focus stays on what we want to communicate rather than on what the audience needs to hear. Starting with the audience's agenda doesn't mean abandoning your own goals. It means framing them through your listeners' perspective. You still deliver your message, but now it's grounded in empathy and purpose. Here's what that looks like in action.

Example: The Cell Phone Policy Talk

Imagine you're preparing to speak with parents about new cell phone procedures at your high school.

My Agenda (Speaker-Centred):

• Communicate the new rules
• Explain the rationale
• Outline consequences for violations
• Ask for parent support

That looks fine on paper, but it's focused entirely on what you need to accomplish. Now, let's rewrite it with the audience in mind.

Audience Agenda (Listener-Centred):

• Parents want their teens to be safe, reachable, and responsible
• They're wondering if this policy will make communication harder
• Some worry their child will be unfairly disciplined
• Others believe phones are a distraction and hope for clear limits
• They want to understand how this change helps learning, not just what it bans
• They need to trust the school's consistency and fairness

Do you feel the difference? When you start with their perspective, your message immediately shifts in tone. Instead of opening with, "Here's our new cell phone policy," you might say, "We all know phones can be both a lifeline and a distraction for our teens. Our goal is to help them stay focused on learning while still ensuring parents can reach them when it matters."

Now you're not just announcing rules. You're showing that you understand their concerns. Once you understand your audience's mindset, you can shape your message to meet them where they are. Here's a quick checklist I now use before any speaking engagement:

• Audience Snapshot: Who's in the room? What's their role or stake in this topic?
• Skeptic's Corner: What's the toughest question or worry they might have?
• Emotional Temperature: Are they anxious, curious, tired, frustrated, or hopeful?
• Desired Outcome: What do I want them to think, feel, or do by the end—and what do they want to walk away with?
• Message Bridge: How can I connect my goals to their goals using language that feels natural and respectful?

When you use this approach, your tone changes. You move from telling to relating, and your listeners notice.

Landing the Message Every Time

When I began planning from the audience's point of view, everything about my communication changed. People leaned in more. Questions became thoughtful instead of defensive. Feedback shifted from "I don't agree" to "That makes sense—how can we help?"

Public speaking isn't about perfect delivery or polished slides. It's about connection. When you take the time to see the world through your audience's eyes, you show respect for their perspective and care for their experience. That empathy is what earns trust and makes your words matter.

So, before your next talk—whether it's with parents, staff, or students—start by standing where they stand. Step into their concerns, their hopes, their point of view. Because when you do, your message won't just be heard. It will be felt.